Sometimes you find a dead guy all jammed up in your bulldozer gears. When you do, it’s ALWAYS one of these 6 types.
1. The foreman
Ugh. This one is always messy. Your bulldozer starts stalling out, and when you look in the gears, there he is, his body completely twisted and pulled through the timing belt with his neck snagged in the tracks. Now you have to be the one to tell the guys that the foreman’s dead, and following construction code, they’ll expect you to be the new foreman, too. Who’s got the time?
2. The guy who is already wedged in there from the last person to use the bulldozer
This is one of the most annoying types of dead guys you’ll find caught in your bulldozer, but it happens. No, it’s not fair that you didn’t personally mow the guy down, but it is still your job to snake him out of there with a crowbar and cross-reference his name with the terror watchlist. Remember to always check your machine before handing it off to someone else, or you’ll be “that guy.”
3. The guy who’s still technically alive when you find him
Yup, this is definitely one of the worst kinds of dead guys you find wedged in your bulldozer gears. By the time you help him jimmy his legs out from the ripper cylinder and get enough towels to control the bleeding, he just up and dies on you. Perfect.
4. The hot one
Now this one is a real tragedy. No one’s really sure who this guy is, but everyone agrees that he was way too attractive to be anywhere near a bulldozer in the first place. What a waste of potential.
5. The guy who was clearly killed by a bear and then stuffed into your bulldozer gears to make it look like an accident
Um, yeah. The massive claw marks across his chest pretty much give this one away. Good try, though, you big furry dipshits. SMH.
6. The guy who was trying to help the other guy
This one is a mess from top to bottom. As if it’s not bad enough that some dope got caught in the gears of your bulldozer, a second guy just had to come along and try to save the day. Well, thanks to his heroics, you have to spend all afternoon picking both sets of their bones out of the machinery. That means no time to move earth in your bulldozer. So lame.