You’ve put in your parking lot practice hours, but now it’s the moment of truth. Avoid these common errors to make sure you pass your driving test with flying colors.
1. Forgetting to fasten the driving test administrator’s seatbelt: Total rookie move. You can’t just leave the person grading your road test flopping around in their seat like that.
2. Talking the whole time about how your body is essentially a tapestry of cysts: Save the cyst talk for another time and focus on the road!
3. Turning the hazards off while the threat of terror still persists: Until we’ve defeated al-Qaeda once and for all, those hazards need to stay flashing.
4. Asking the road test administrator if they want to “pull a Thelma and Louise into the public pool”: Do not tell the person evaluating your driving that you want to kiss them and then drive the car into a public pool in the manner of the criminal women Thelma and Louise. It’s grounds for immediate flunking, not to mention incredibly dangerous.
5. Not having your driver’s license with you when you’re driving: Any driving test administrator will tell you this is the first thing they’ll ask for. Take two seconds and check your wallet beforehand!
6. Calling stop signs “the eternal enemy”: However you feel about them, loudly decrying every stop sign you arrive at as “my deathless adversary” or “the cornerside shit-god” is textbook self-sabotage.
7. Taking the lead in a funeral procession: No one likes a show-off. Just stick to the basics and leave the mourners alone.
8. Doing a perfect job parallel parking and then getting out of the car and smashing all the windows with an aluminum baseball bat: You were so close!