There are still 15 whole minutes before this complimentary “buffet” technically ends, and this is all we get? Here are the only food scraps anyone bothered to leave us, ranked.
3. Orange Slices
Coming in at number three, it’s everyone’s favorite breakfast garnish: the dried-out piece of citrus, peel and seeds included! Doused in the fragrant, sugary juices of the old cantaloupe it once shared its platter with, the orange slice should get any esteemed guest clamoring to suck on some fruit with their toothpaste-lined mouth to get the day started. One or two of these should easily keep us full and satisfied until lunch—but wait, there’s more?
2. Some Kind Of Cereal
Just when we thought this spread could not get any more perfect, we get the opportunity to pour some unidentifiable grains out of an unmarked plastic tube! Cornflakes? Bran? We’ll never know, but let’s just say we’re glad we overslept so we could get a bowl full of this. Good thing there’s no coffee here to wash it down with! As perfect as this second-place treat may be, though, something has to be our favorite.
1. Single Vanilla Yogurt Floating In A Bucket Of Lukewarm Water That Presumably Used To Be Ice
Coming in first is a dairy product, and not just any dairy product: This is the one in a small, dented package that’s been sitting in the heat for three hours! Sure, there’s no use dwelling on the past, but we’re positive no Danish, croissant, granola, banana, oatmeal, grapefruit, bacon, sausage, potatoes, eggs, toast, bagel, cream cheese, or lox could ever make us happier. Because when you don’t have a spoon but your breakfast was made and sealed in a separate location, how can No. 2 and No.3 compete? Needless to say, we’ll be back at the same time tomorrow!