Thanks a LOT for the birthday present, Mom. It would have been great…if I was a GIRL. Maybe next time get one of these bikes that doesn’t SUCK.


1. Whoa, look at those back wheels, Mom. What do they have that the bike you got me DOESN’T?

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2. PEGS, Mom. P-E-G-S. The metal things you stand on? On the back of all cool bikes like this one? PEGS.

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3. Mom, wanna guess why this bike has PEGS? Maybe because you NEED them to actually do TRICKS?

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4. I literally SHOWED you this bike, Mom.

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5. Here’s the bike Dylan has. Yeah, DYLAN. He sucks, and even HIS mom got it for him. Maybe you noticed the PEGS that it has?

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6. You can’t just put PEGS on a MOUNTAIN BIKE, Mom. Do you WANT me to look like an idiot? Why don’t you just get me some pink tassels and an effing DRESS while you’re at it?

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7. Look, another bike WITH PEGS that WOULD have been a great gift if SOMEONE had LISTENED FOR ONCE!

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8. Ugh, you’re such a BITCH sometimes.

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