Thanks a LOT for the birthday present, Mom. It would have been great…if I was a GIRL. Maybe next time get one of these bikes that doesn’t SUCK.

1. Whoa, look at those back wheels, Mom. What do they have that the bike you got me DOESN’T?

2. PEGS, Mom. P-E-G-S. The metal things you stand on? On the back of all cool bikes like this one? PEGS.

3. Mom, wanna guess why this bike has PEGS? Maybe because you NEED them to actually do TRICKS?

4. I literally SHOWED you this bike, Mom.

5. Here’s the bike Dylan has. Yeah, DYLAN. He sucks, and even HIS mom got it for him. Maybe you noticed the PEGS that it has?

6. You can’t just put PEGS on a MOUNTAIN BIKE, Mom. Do you WANT me to look like an idiot? Why don’t you just get me some pink tassels and an effing DRESS while you’re at it?

7. Look, another bike WITH PEGS that WOULD have been a great gift if SOMEONE had LISTENED FOR ONCE!

8. Ugh, you’re such a BITCH sometimes.