Everyone’s meditating! Devotees will tell you it’s the best way to harness and refine your mental faculties. But how does it actually work? Here’s a breakdown of all the physiological changes that go on inside you during a meditation session.

Your tongue goes back inside its nest: The tongue returns to the nest it has built inside your throat during meditation.


Your memories become hair: Ten minutes into meditation, your brain begins to purge painful memories and pushes them out of your head in the form of hair.

Birds show up: If you’re meditating correctly, all the birds you’ve ever met will show up.

A scientist touches your brain: As soon as you enter deep meditation, a scientist will appear and poke you straight in the brain.


Your frontal lobe shuts down, resulting in an inability to pitch a perfect game: The part of the brain that’s responsible for major motor functions slows down during meditation, severely hampering your ability to pitch a perfect game.

Your brain emits the same wave frequencies that open garage doors: Twenty minutes into proper meditation, the brain’s beta waves drop down to the same frequencies that open garage doors.

You temporarily leave your own body, enter a different, better body, live 89 years, die, and return to your old body: As your muscles become more relaxed, your mind is free to leave your bad body behind as you live out an above-average lifespan in another, better body before returning to your old body, fully relaxed.


More bones: People who meditate grow many, many more bones than people who don’t.