Writing erotic Artemis Fowl fan fiction takes time, care, and research, but tragically, many steamy stories go unread. This injustice is magnified given the relative obscurity of the sci-fi fantasy series, which is why what Kirby Atwell is doing is truly remarkable: He’s exclusively masturbating to all the internet’s unloved Artemis Fowl erotic fan fiction.

Wow. Now here is someone making the world a better place.

When Atwell goes online to masturbate to sexy fan fiction, he could go the easy route and jack it to the most popular Artemis Fowl fuck tales. But this hero skips over well-written stories about Artemis watching Holly Short get crucial information about the Fairy Council by using her spells to give the dwarf Mulch Diggums a throbbing, painful erection that only she can release him from. Instead, Kirby digs for posts that hundreds of other Artemis Fowl fans haven’t already busted a nut over. Whether they are poorly written, not that sexy, or a hidden gem that somehow only has six views, Atwell gives them all their due.


“The most talented erotic fan fiction writers gravitate toward writing about popular characters, like Harry Potter riding Hagrid reverse cowgirl, or Arwen blowing Legolas in the Mines of Moria, because they want people to see their work,” said Atwell between stroke sessions at his laptop. “That’s why I seek out Artemis Fowl. I think everyone writing original stories about fantasy characters fucking each other, no matter the series, deserves the basic dignity of having a stranger masturbate to it.”

“If I didn’t jerk off to these Artemis Fowl stories, who would?” added Atwell.

Wow. No matter what obscure corner of the Artemis Fowl universe an author has chosen to explore, Atwell shows his respect for their craft by totally going to creamtown while reading their words. Sometimes it’s the smallest things that make all the difference.


Our hats are off to you, Kirby!