First dates from hell: Yup, they happen to celebrities too. Get ready to cringe as these stars describe the most disastrous crash-and-burn first date fiascos of their lives.
“I once went on a first date where the waiter kept coming up to our table and saying, ‘Mr. DiCaprio, I have some incredible news: The Aviator is about Charles Lindbergh!’ This is not true, because The Aviator is about Howard Hughes, and I know this because I was the star of The Aviator, playing Howard Hughes. But this guy didn’t seem to know, or just didn’t care, and he kept ruining any chance my date and I had of developing any chemistry. After the seventh time he did this, I completely snapped. I slammed my plate and screamed, ‘The only incredible news is that The Aviator is about Howard Hughes and his many obsessions, not Charles Lindbergh!’ The waiter cried and ran away, but needless to say, the date didn’t exactly improve after that.”
“I recently tried to mix things up on a first date by making a homemade meal, but instead I accidentally printed out two copies of the Wikipedia entry for ‘Pearl Harbor advance-knowledge conspiracy theory’ and put them on cafeteria trays. By the time I realized what I had done, my date had been out of my house for 15 minutes. I’m still not sure how I managed to do this, because it sure seemed like I was making a delicious meal of chicken and vegetables at the time…I must’ve just had the Pearl Harbor advance-knowledge conspiracy theory on my mind. I don’t even own cafeteria trays.”
“I went on a date with a fan once, and I’ll definitely never do that again. Pretty much as soon as we sat down, we started arguing about who had accidentally swallowed the most spiders over the course of their lifetime, and once we determined that he had, we sat in silence for the rest of the meal.”
“There was this one first date where it was just clear we had nothing in common. I liked drinking Ocean Spray cranberry juice; she despised the Ocean Spray brand. I liked eating Ocean Spray Craisins; she despised the Ocean Spray brand. I liked eating Ocean Spray cranberry sauce; she despised the Ocean Spray brand. And so on. It just wasn’t a good match, which was apparent from the moment we arrived at the Ocean Spray cranberry bog and she let out a huge anti–Ocean Spray groan.”
“My most awkward first date was actually the first date I went on with my now-wife, Rita Wilson! I had just gotten divorced, and I kept accidentally calling Rita by my previous wife’s name, ‘American actress Samantha Lewes.’ Over and over again, I called Rita ‘American actress Samantha Lewes.’ It was a nightmare. ‘Thanks for coming out with me, American actress Samantha Lewes.’ ‘What do you do for work, American actress Samantha Lewes?’ ‘Can I kiss you goodnight, American actress Samantha Lewes?’ And so on. I guess I’m really lucky that she wanted to go on a second date, and eventually become my wife!”
“Back in the ’80s, I brought a first date to a field where I was keeping a stringray in a bucket. I had stolen the stingray from an aquarium, and for some reason I thought that looking at the stolen stingray would be enough for a whole date. It wasn’t.”