So, you want to let your boss know that all the pork meat got filled up in you, but don’t know how? No worries! Try any of these simple strategies and your boss will know all about how you are full up on pork meat in no time!

1. Show your boss the article in the newspaper about how you’re all full up on pork meat: It’s understandable that you might be a little nervous about telling your boss that you are all full up on pork meat. Luckily, the article in the newspaper about it does a pretty good job explaining the whole situation with you, pork-wise, and even includes a picture of you with the helpful caption “Above: the one who got all full up on pork meat.” Whether you cut it out and slip it under your boss’s car’s windshield or read it aloud in the middle of the office, making your boss aware of the article in the newspaper about how you’re all full up on pork meat is a great first step to telling your boss that you are all full up on pork meat.

2. Perform an ultrasound on yourself and show your boss how much pork meat you got all filled up in you: Ever heard of the phrase “Show, don’t tell”? Well, it’s a useful axiom when it comes to letting your boss know that you are all full up on pork meat. By renting an ultrasound machine from your local medical supply company, you can actually SHOW your boss just how much pork meat you got full up in you. Drive it home by giving your boss a printout of the ultrasound to keep!

3. Ring the pork bell: The second your boss hears the chimes of the pork bell, they’ll immediately look over and see you clanging away at it, which should at least make it abundantly clear that something pork-related happened to you. This should get the ball rolling on telling them how the pork thing happening to you is that you are completely full up on the stuff.

4. Rent out Carnegie Hall for a one-night performance of your three-act play, I Am All Full Up On Pork Meat: A Three-Act Play For My Boss, and give your boss a coupon for 25 percent off front-row seats: No boss can resist a great deal on theater tickets. Once they’ve taken their seat, you’ve got their full and undivided attention until the curtain call; that’s plenty of time for the message of the play—that the meat of the dead pork got filled up inside of you almost enough for popping you all open—to sink in.

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5. Threaten to call the cops on Edward Snowden unless he leaks a document that strongly suggests you are all full up on pork meat: The last thing fugitive whistleblower Edward Snowden needs is the cops on his back. Use his vulnerability to your advantage when trying to let your boss know that you are all full up on pork meat.

6. Leave a note in your boss’s daughter’s casket detailing the situation with you regarding the pork meat: Respect your boss’s time. Leave a note somewhere your boss already has to look, like your boss’s recently deceased daughter’s casket, explaining how you’re all full up on pork meat. The thoughtfulness of this gesture won’t go unnoticed.

7. Tell your boss that you heard a rumor that you’re all full up on pork meat: This should put it to rest. Congratulations! You let your boss know that you’re all full up on pork meat!

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