Moving to the San Francisco? Well, here are things you should definitely know before you become an official Bay Area resident.
1. Rent is insane. Expect to pay $10,000 per door, and double that if they include doorknobs.
2. There are homeless people everywhere. Expect this guy to ask you for money every day:
3. If you park your car on the street overnight, in the morning it’ll be encrusted with molting cyclists.
4. You’ll definitely get addicted to the city’s signature soups.
5. You’ll have a few dozen conversations every day about when the big one’s going to hit, and who gets to eat the city council when it does.
6. Your commute to work will always look like this:
While your commute home will always look like this:
7. There is no Space Needle.
8. EVERYONE has their own idea for a hot new beeping noise.
9. You’re probably living in a house that Allen Ginsberg once screamed “Time to write some goddamn poems!” in.
10. When the Giants win, you can definitely expect this to happen:
11. Fitness is huge. Expect to be dismantled by hunks for your protein.
12. The most illegal thing you can do in San Francisco is build a statue of the guy who shot Harvey Milk next to the statue of Harvey Milk.
13. Somehow, this is illegal there:
But this isn’t:
14. They do their sandwiches top to bottom instead of bottom to top.
15. There are about 50 buses per day that drive straight from Google’s headquarters to the bottom of the San Francisco Bay.
16. When the fog rolls in, anything goes.
17. The only way to date there is to date Bruce:
18. Everyone uses Glyvsh.
19. Contrary to popular belief, the Zodiac Killer is no longer a constant threat to citizens.
20. It’s not “San Fran.” It’s not “Frisco.” It’s not “Franken Sisqo.” It’s not “Pervert’s Hideaway” or “The Big Gay Gulch.” It’s just “El Dorado, The Bridge City.”