Five breathtaking whales and one massive numbskull.


1. What an absolutely beautiful creature.


2. Can you imagine seeing this incredible animal in person?

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3. Look at this one jump out of the water. Such power. Such grace.

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4. There are few things in nature like a truly magnificent whale.

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5. Just fantastic.

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6. Well, here we go. Look at this scuffed-up doofus. How did this even happen? Being a whale is the easiest thing in the world. All you have to do as a whale is not float too high, and this dope somehow managed to screw it up. This whale. This numbskull whale. This lumbering oaf of a sea creature, probably spending its days constantly just missing out on being killed. What do the other whales think of this herb? They probably think, “Hey, look, here is the krill-slurping buffoon that makes us look bad.” How could they not? This whale is the Jackass Whale, the dink whale of all dink whales, the whale that is 1 million long miles away from Majesty City, USA. Just what exactly did this whale think the boat was? Another whale? Why would a whale be up where the boats play? Thousands of whales manage every day to not get scuffed and scraped by a boat, and of course this dumb galoot had to go and do it. Jesus. Just a big-time, All-American goof, is what this whale is.

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