She’s already made her birthing plan, so maybe keep your commentary to yourself.


1. “Don’t you know that you get a 10 percent discount at McDonald’s if you show them your C-section scar?”

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2. “I think Pat Sajak was also born that way.”

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3. “Oh, nice, would you mind if my bird-watching club observed you enter labor in case a crow comes out?”

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4. “When you change your mind, ask for Dr. Mallinckrodt’s Sweet Birth Elixir!”

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5. “Can I record your screams and use them in the haunted house I own?”

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6. “You should donate your unused epidural to the Boy Scouts of America.”

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7. “Aren’t you worried that your kid will be made fun of at school by the C-section kids?”

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8. “Oh, sure, I read about natural births in someone’s obituary recently.”

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