You’re all moved in, but your social circle is basically a dot. Time to change that!

Call the mayor and ask to have your name posted on the mayor’s website: The mayor’s website is a great resource for social events and information about new people in town. If you can get your contact information on there, plenty of new friends will get in touch.

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Introduce yourself as radio shock jock Howard Stern: Nobody has ever seen what longtime radio personality Howard Stern looks like. Take advantage of this by telling people that you’re the man himself. Everyone wants a taste of fame.

Wear a headband that says “Handjobs!”: People will approach you and ask, “Hey, what’s the deal with these handjobs?” Shrug and answer, “Just the brand of headband.” Proceed with your first conversation with your newest friend.

Use one of the apps: Remember about the apps. The apps will be helpful now. This is a good situation for one of the apps.

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Employ plumbing jargon: Dropping technical terms like “durgo valve” into your conversations will let plumbers know you are one of them, and they’ll welcome you into their circle.

Organize a search party to find a missing girl named Irene: People will be so impressed by your drive and sense of duty that, whether or not you find the missing girl, by the end of the search you’ll have made more friends than you can count on your fingers.

Open the best darn fish parlor in town: If you own and operate the best darn fish parlor in town, they’ll start coming to you for all the fish they need.

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Curl into a ball in the corner of a bar and cry: Be patient with it. At first, people will roll you around for fun, but eventually they just might get to know you.