We’ll take what we can get.
1. Kevin Moss, Age 6
Okay, so Kevin Moss here might not be in college at age 6 like some goddamn wunderkind or anything, but he’s definitely enough of a freak that, if you squint, he could maybe be a prodigy. No, he hasn’t won any prestigious math competitions, but he spends all his time getting homeschooled by his smart-as-hell ex-engineer dad instead of hanging out with his friends. On a scale of freak to genius, he probably falls somewhere in the middle, but who knows, we could be wrong.
2. Kayla Sabharwal, Age 8
Is Kayla here a prodigy? Sure, why the fuck not. She’s drawn hundreds of anime characters and is obsessed with Japan, which, not to profile or anything, seems pretty goddamned genius-y to us. Not exactly Da Vinci-level bullshit, but better than nothing. Also, instead of wearing normal clothes, she spends all her time dressing up in medieval outfits she sewed herself. If that doesn’t indicate she’s probably some kind of savant, we’re not sure what will.
3. Bryce Chang, Age 6
Bad news: This kid killed a rat and dissected it in front of all his freak friends right in the middle of recess yesterday morning. Good news: That might mean he’s an incredible medical marvel with a fucked-up brain big enough to get his MD next year! Best-case scenario, this weird-ass behavior means he’s already on his way. Fingers crossed.
4. Trisha Gornstein, Age 10
Full disclosure, we’d much rather Trisha be a child prodigy than just some everyday standard-issue freak. Yesterday, for god-knows-what reason, she ripped open her dad’s desktop computer and just started snipping wires left and right, so by the time she was done, she couldn’t put it back together. Maybe she’s using that knowledge to build some kind of supercomputer for her PhD that she’ll complete three years down the road? You’ve got to fucking hope so.
5. “Centurion,” Age 5
Well, this kid refuses to go by his real name and only responds if you call him “Centurion.” Also, he smells really bad. That’s got to mean he’s got a big brain somewhere in there, or else, good god.
6. Sheila Janson, Age 7
Unfortunately, Sheila mostly sucks. She spends all her time taking xylophone lessons and learning how to speak dead languages like Latin and some other dead language no one can seem to pronounce. As weird as she is, though, she doesn’t even get good grades, because she’s fucking obsessed with video games, and, truth be told, she isn’t even good at them. Then again, her parents think she’s a genius, so maybe she is? Sure, sounds good to us.