Well, this came out of nowhere.

When Gabe said he was in a new play, everyone agreed to go and support him because acting is his passion and he’s super serious about it. But Gabe failed to mention one crucial detail about this play, which has now become extremely clear two scenes in: Gabe is straight-up naked in this play.


Dang, Gabe. Wow.

It’s pretty safe to say no one saw this coming. For sure, Gabe has been in some weird plays, but he’s never been, like, naked or anything. Usually his plays are just kind of long and kind of confusing. So you can imagine everyone’s surprise when all of a sudden, at the end of the second scene, Gabe waltzes out on stage, one-hundo percent nude. We’re talking ass, dick, AND balls. Gabe’s ass, dick, and balls. All just hanging out.


Oh man, Gabe’s parents are at this thing, aren’t they? Fuck, that’s gotta be weird. Feel kind of bad for Gabe’s parents having to see him naked. They’ve for sure seen him naked before, but he’s an adult now. It’s different. And now we all know what he looks like naked, which is even weirder, because we’re good friends with him. Goddamn it, Gabe.


You could’ve said something, dude. Anything. Like, “Oh hey, by the way, I’m gonna be naked as fuck in this play.” Maybe if it hadn’t been such a surprise it wouldn’t be so awkward? Maybe? Maybe, Gabe???

Honestly, it’s gonna be pretty much impossible to pay attention to this play now because of the insanely distracting fact of Gabe’s nude-ass body. He’s doing the lines super seriously, but it doesn’t matter at this point. He’s just naked Gabe now, and that’s all we’ll be able to see him as.


Wow, insane that everybody knows what Gabe looks like naked now. And it’s sort of looking like his character is gonna be naked for, like, a while. Fuck, it’s gonna be so weird talking to Gabe and not mentioning that the main takeaway from this play was him being extremely naked in it.

Christ, Gabe. You really buried the lede on the nudity there, bud. Super cool that you’re pursuing your dreams and all, but a little warning next time, yeah?