It’s the holiday season, which means it’s time to dust off your best prayers. Check out the seven hottest prayers in the world right now and say them during these holy holidays.


1. The Plea To Our Lord

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Lord God, by thy divine heritage of truth we pray:
Lessen our suffering on this, our terrifying train ride through Life Mountain;
By the full head of hair with which the Christ-boy was born we plead:
Deliver us into your heavenly mouth.
Amen.


2. Winter Prayer (To God)

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We remind you, Lord, that now is the time of winter;
The cold air you sent from hell surrounds us daily.
Please let only a few of us die of thine godly, terrible frost,
And grant, O President of Heaven, that those who do succumb are frozen into hilarious shapes
To entertain and delight those that do live, O Lord.
Amen.


3. Hello God

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Hey, God, hello;
The main thing of this prayer is to thank you for the universe,
And ask you not to kill us, and if you do to let us come live inside of heaven.
Oh, and also it’s to apologize because we are terrible;
It’s a basic prayer.
Goodbye.


4. Sleep Now Dogman

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Dogman, sleep on for a thousand more nights;
Bother not the children of this village with thine terrible hybrid fingers.
Sleep in the house we have built for you in the woods, Dogman,
For it is big and expensive and took five years.
Carry me not into the night with your hairy eight-foot-long arms;
I do not wish to live with you forever;
I do not wish to dance to thine terrible shrieking Dogman Song.
Amen.


5. Incantation Unto God’s Sword

Via lasttofollowwar.deviantart.com

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We lick the sword,
We lick the sword,
We lick the sword,
We lick your sword,
Until you allow us to stop, Father.


6. Children’s Prayer For Less Painful Urine

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Though I am but a little child,
My urine burns, it be not mild.
Remove from me this painful test;
May my urine stream be blessed.

Make my stream less thick and yellow;
Please lighten it before I bellow
In pain because it stings and burns;
When in the bathroom I take my turns.
Amen.


7. O Mighty Lurch

Via ABC

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The Family Addams loved you not;
You were but their servant, spurned and ill-treated.
But yours is the strength;
Yours is the power;
Upon your sturdy soldier’s shoulders we place our hope, O Lurch;
Protect us from the wrath of Fester.
Amen.