I recently went online for half an hour and during that time I saw five chicks. It was insane, man. Here are the five chicks that I saw online.


1. Pamela Anderson

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The first chick I saw online was Pamela Anderson. It was insane. I wasn’t even online for more than a minute and bam I see this picture of a chick and I’m all, “Wait, what?” and then I saw that it was Pamela Anderson and I was like, “Oh, dang, that’s straight-up Pamela Anderson.” And it totally was, dude. It was Pamela Anderson. True story, man. The picture of Pamela Anderson was, like, 400 by 500 pixels, I’m not even exaggerating. It was massive. I tried to download it, and there wasn’t enough space on my memory drive for it. Such a bummer. It’s because my mom fills up the storage with her four-hour paralegal video seminars. She needs to get a hard drive for that shit, am I right? Anyways, I assumed Pamela Anderson would be the only chick I would see online. But I was wrong as hell.


2. Leslie Knope

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Dude, I straight-up saw Leslie Knope online. She was the second chick that I saw when I went on my mom’s computer and started looking around on the internet. It was nuts, man. I had for real just seen Pamela Anderson online and within, like, 30 seconds or something I was looking straight at Leslie goddamn Knope from Parks and freaking Rec, dude. Dude, you know I highlighted that pic for like… at least two minutes. Not even lying, dude, it was wild. Then my mom full-on walked in, and it was like, whoa busted haha. For real, though, it was straight-up awkward.


3. Heidi Klum, dude!

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Yup. Heidi Klum was the third chick I saw online. How insane is that? You gotta know I full-on copied that URL to a Word doc and straight-up printed that shit out landscape style. It was, like, 20 pages, dude. For real. The URL of Heidi Klum I saw online was long as hell, dude. Badass, right? Then I picked up the pages and straight-up flipped through it like a flip-book, dude. Full-on Heidi Klum URL flip-book, dude. IR fricken L, dude. Unbelievable, right? Believe it, dude. It straight-up happened. And this is only the third chick I saw online, dude. There were two more chicks I saw on there.


4. Babs

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Not to brag, but I saw Babs online, dude. I did. I was, like, on this site that sold DVDs or some shit, and that’s when I saw this chick on the cover of one of the DVDs. It was Babs, dude. Not even kidding. I practically lost my mind when that happened, man. I mean, wow. It was pretty tight. I tried to save that shit as a JPEG, but my mom’s paralegal video seminars were still taking up all the memory. Sucks so much because can you imagine if I could’ve held on to that picture of Babs, dude? That would’ve been so insanely epic. It would’ve been unreal, dude. I tried to trace it on a piece of paper so I could look at it later, but it full-on isn’t the same, dude.

Oh well. I guess it was cool to see her online, even if just for, like, a few minutes or whatever. Yeah, that was lucky as shit.

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5. Pamela Fricken Anderson For The Second Time, Dude, It Was Insane

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Not even lying, dude, I straight-up saw Pamela Anderson again online. No lie, dude. I saw Pamela Anderson online twice in one fricken day. It was insane, man. Gotta be a record or something. Not to mention this was already on top of seeing four chicks online back to fricken back. I was on a streak, dude, I swear. Who knows, I might’ve even seen more chicks online if my mom hadn’t kicked me off the computer immediately after I saw Pamela Anderson (second time in one day, dude!!!) so she could watch one of her 6-gig paralegal seminars. She’s gonna be a fricken boss-ass paralegal, but it straight-up sucks that I gotta share the computer with her while she’s learning all her paralegal shit, dude. Imagine how many more chicks I could’ve seen if I could’ve stayed online for just 10 to 15 more minutes. Imagine how many JPEGs I could’ve fricken highlighted, dude. Five hundred, maybe 600 pixels, dude. Impossible to say. Maybe I could’ve seen Pam An a THIRD time. Probably not, but still. Can’t help but think, you know? C’est la fricken vie, dude. Anyways, those were the five chicks I saw online.