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The 7 Sweetest, Most Romantic Things Your Boyfriend Does For You In The Morning Before Taking A Huge Shit In The Bathroom You Share With Two Other People

He’s the most thoughtful, sweetest, most amazing guy in the world. Here’s how you know.

1. He brings you breakfast in bed: Yep. Any guy who brings a big tray of corned-beef hash, coffee, scrambled eggs, and juice to split with you before he grabs a couple of National Geographics and rushes into the tiny bathroom that you share with two older roommates is a keeper!


2. He wakes up early so he’s got time to drive you to work: He’s a busy guy, but he finds time to do things for you even if it means setting his alarm for 7 a.m. so he can take you to work before he drives back to your apartment to start his daily shitting regimen while your roommates are forced to use the kitchen sink to wash up to get ready for the day. Swoon!

3. He creates a playlist of love songs for you: Somehow he can totally read your mind when it comes to the songs you’re going to want to listen to while waiting for him to get done using his rectal lava to melt the pipes in the toilet you split with two people you just met on Craigslist last week.

4. He massages your feet: Nothing beats waking up to your incredible boyfriend lotioning up your feet, working his magic for as long as he can until he has to get up and cut off your roommate who’s on her way to shower, telling her, “Sorry, this is sort of an emergency.”

5. He texts you “I miss you” even though he’s right on the other side of your paper-thin bathroom wall in your 650-square-foot apartment: Awwww! He’s so adorable! The fact that he’s letting you know he misses you even though he’ll be seeing you in 35 minutes once he’s done shitting means he thinks you’re pretty special.

6. He leaves you cute little notes all over the house telling you how beautiful you are: If other guys did this it might be a little cheesy, but he just somehow pulls off being a total sweetheart without being a total dork. He leaves little notes on your phone, TV, and coffee pot telling you how pretty you are. And only then does he drop a bomb in the bathroom that forces your roommates who pay the lion’s share of the rent to brush their teeth at work because the window to the bathroom is painted shut and there’s no fan.

7. He draws you a bubble bath with candles and rose petals: What a cutie. Come 7:35 he’ll be holding his knee against your broken bathroom door to prevent your roomies from walking in while he fills the toilet up like a runaway soft-serve machine, but until then he’s all about pampering you. No matter what happens, no matter how many times your roommates keep passive-aggressively asking why he doesn’t use the toilet in his own apartment, you know he’s simply the best.

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