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Let’s face it, ladies. Before you find The One, you’re going to have to go through these ones.

The Big Man


You probably dated The Big Man sometime in college. He’s the sensitive one. The kind of guy who loves to stay up late just talking and cuddling and soloing on “Jungleland.” Graduation rolls around, and you go your separate ways, but you’ll always have a special place in your heart for The Big Man.

The Nils

The Nils is the guy who is way more into you than you’re into him. He worships the ground you walk on, and for a while you might even try to convince yourself that you have feelings for him. But sooner or later, you’re going to have to cut The Nils loose. It’s just not fair to string along one of rock’s great guitarists like that.

The Van Zandt


Your early 20s are full of Van Zandts. He’s the guy who’s edgy, cocky, and totally smoldering. But The Van Zandt loses his allure as soon as you realize that he’s more interested in touring with The Boss than working on your relationship.

The Roy


At first, The Roy seems like he has all the qualities you’d want in a guy. Smart. Handsome. Grammy Award–winning. Then you find out he has one bad habit that you just can’t stand, and it’s all over.

The Weinberg


The Weinberg is the friend who becomes something more. And for a while, it’s really fun. But eventually, you realize that as much as you’d like to think of him as a romantic partner, you really just see him as a drummer for one of the greatest bands in the history of rock ’n’ roll. Nothing more.

The Danny Federici


The Danny Federici is the one who breaks your heart at the end of the Born To Run tour. But it’s okay. You’re stronger because of it.

The Garry


A little bit of you never gets over The Garry. He’s the one you look back on and can’t quite remember why it didn’t work out. You think about calling him up every now and then, but always talk yourself out of it. For a while, you might even forget about him. Then “Badlands” will come on the radio, you’ll hear that bass line, and it’ll all come rushing back.

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