Six religions. Six different takes on what happens after we bite it. What do you think?


1. Hinduism

The Hindu faith preaches the existence of reincarnation, wherein souls return to the earth and are reborn as luxury sedans. Humans who lived noble and enlightened lives are allowed to come back as higher forms of automobile, such as a Volvo with a great safety rating or a sensible Toyota.


2. Catholicism

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Catholic scripture says the afterlife consists of heaven, where your grandma is waiting for you with a big tray of cookies while being held tenderly at the waist by Led Zeppelin drummer John Bonham in a way that makes it kind of hard to discern the nature of their relationship.


3. Buddhism

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Buddhists believe there are two distinct types of afterlife: one where a dog chases you for eternity in a negative way, and another where a dog chases you for eternity in a positive way.


4. Ancient Egypt

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The ancient Egyptians believed that upon dying, you were temporarily reborn with beautiful legs as long as your list of good actions and holding a pair of tube socks as long as your list of bad actions. You would then try on the socks under the supervision of the Referee. If your toes reached the bottom of the socks, you went to paradise. If not, you were condemned to wander the earth forever wearing the shameful socks.


5. Islam

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In Islam, the afterlife is the destination for all departed souls, who join the rest of humanity in an eternity of rubbing sunscreen on the massive, freckled back of Allah, the one true God.


6. Judaism

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According to Jewish tradition, you only go to heaven if you choke to death on a bug. Jews believe that If you choke to death on a bug, you enter the kingdom of God and spend eternity sitting around in a T-shirt several sizes too small that says “I choked to death on a bug and all I got was this very small T-shirt.” If you die in any other way, you just turn into mud and that’s it for you.