Here we go, good sir! Ten pictures of Scarlett Johansson, hot off the presses! Go easy, though. A true gentleman knows when he’s seen enough.


1. Welcome to this list of photos, only the finest of the fine! The buxom blond, Ms. Johansson herself, has graced us with her presence through several images from her many movies and red-carpet appearances! A rare catch, no doubt, but true men like us know better than to view more than three or four.

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2. By god! Would a man of the sacred gentleman’s oath dare to look at all 10 photos of Scarlett Johansson? The question itself offends! Just a few humble photos of that beautiful, arresting creature is more than enough!

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3. Repeat after me, boys! “One or two? That will do!”

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4. “Three or four? Please, no more!”

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5. Consider what you are doing! A true gentleman would never look at more than four photos of Ms. Johansson, buxom blond of the silver screen, yet somehow you have already looked at five? Scoundrel!

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6. What is this! It seems the “gentleman” has continued to scroll down the page, passing photo after photo of dear, sweet ScarJo. It seems this “upstanding man” of “dignity” and “honor” will continue to look at Ms. Johansson until the good name of the gentleman is totally destroyed.

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7. Have you no decency? You continue to violate the gentleman’s limit right before my naked eyes, despite calling yourself a man of honor. Surely you know that these photos mean nothing when viewed in such volume, consumed with such a reckless appetite.

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8. “Eight or nine? You’re a swine. Nine or 10? Straight to the pig pen.”

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9. Begone, worthless scum. You disrespect the gentleman’s code, you disrespect this list of photos, and worst of all, you disrespect Ms. Johansson herself.

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10. Sir! A true gentleman is not only satisfied with three to four photos of Ms. Johansson, but grateful for them. A true gentleman would be grateful for a mere one. For he knows that moderation is the path to success. He knows gluttony such as you have displayed has no place in such refined company. After today’s outrage, neither do you.

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