Things That Change Once You’re In Your 30s

Be warned: 30 comes quicker than you think…

1. You don’t get lost in the corridors anymore.

2. At work, you’re the person everyone relies on to eat the whole computer. That takes experience.


3. When cats hiss at your second shadow, you hiss right back. You got confidence, and you’re not afraid to flaunt it.

4. On weekends you don’t go out unless it’s time to visit the Years Station and pay the aging tax.

5. You have to give birth every day to live. Everyone on your Facebook feed keeps posting pics of the babies they extrude each morning to escape death.

6. In college you could drink all the oceans you wanted, but now even drinking just the entire Adriatic Sea leaves you coughing up fish the next day.


7. You can’t do this anymore without it hurting.


8. You’re dressing better. When you look in the mirror, you see a professional-looking thirtysomething and dozens of men with no eyes lurking behind you.

9. In your 20s you could only afford a tiny studio apartment, but now you can live in a spacious Mayan ruin.


10. You finally understand that you have to meld back with your parents. This gift of life must be returned so your mom and dad can be young again.

11. When the change comes over you, none are spared. You’re so over sparing virgins and monks.


12. At long last, you’re comfortable in your skin quilt. Your 30s are going to be awesome!

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